My darling daughter and her hubby got sucker-punched yesterday. It has left them reeling. All of their greatest fears were confirmed when they found out that his daughter from a previous relationship has not been on vacation. Her mother has taken her out of the state and relocated halfway across the country. They are not coming back, and the mother says he will never see his daughter again. For months on end, this woman has been lying, plotting, scheming, and deceiving them.
The resemblance between daddy and his daughter and son are amazing - especially when you realize that these kids have different moms. This is a good man who has been involved in this little girls' life since the day she was born. I cannot for the life of me comprehend how a mother could let her daughter have a relationship with her daddy for five years, and then one day take her away and tell her that she can't see him anymore.
I was awake late into the night, after talking with my daughter, thinking about this mess. I grew up knowing that my biological 'father' had left my mom before I was ever born. And he never tried to contact me or be part of my life. My daughter's husband is not like that - he has been a father to this little girl in every way he possibly could. He didn't walk away from his responsibilities or his pride in being a father. My daughter has made her a part of their family, loving her as completely as she does her own son - she even threw birthday parties for her and hosted the mother's entire extended family in her home. As grandparents, we have welcomed and loved her as our granddaughter, even though we have only seen her no more than a dozen times in four years.
And oh, how my grandson loves his sister. She was his favorite playmate. My daughter says he calls for her, wanders through the house looking for her. It's been well over a month since they've seen or talked to her, and now this news comes via email from a cowardly and selfish woman who refuses to let them know where she is. How do you explain that to an almost three year old little brother? Heck, someone explain it to ME.
It's a very complicated situation (the mom IS the custodial parent) and while they don't have money for a lawyer, they are looking into what options they may have. This woman has wreaked unbelievable havoc in their lives for over four years, but this is the worst thing they could have imagined happening. My heart hurts for them, for him, for this little girl who is most likely being told all kinds of lies about her daddy, her 'evil stepmother' (yes, that term has been used a LOT), and her little brother. How heavy is HER heart? That's the worst part of all.
Oh, how I'd love to plaster a huge photo of my granddaughter here and ask you to be on the lookout for her anywhere in Texas. I'd love to publish the name and photo of the woman who has done this horrible thing to a little girl and an entire family. But I can't and won't.
All I can do is pray. For my daughter's broken heart to heal, for my 'son' to have the wisdom to know what response is best, for my grandson's little heart to be protected, and for my granddaughter's little heart to remember that her daddy, her second mommy, her brother, and her grandmas & grandpas and aunts and uncles love her... no matter what she may hear from someone else. Lord, please protect Miss H and keep her in your loving care....
11 friends said...:
Oh Deb, my heart hurts for your daughter and family and for you as deal with the loss and injustice. Plus as a mom I KNOW how much we hurt when our babies are hurting. I'll be keeping the situation in my prayers. Thank you for sharing. Much love to you.
Wow - wow - wow. This is disgusting. I am a child of divorce but I was lucky because my parents made a pact to do what was best for us kids and they have always been an equal presence in our lives. Big life events have always had them both involved and they were able to put aside their differences for our sake, and it has made all the difference in the world. My heart goes out to your entire family, but mostly to that little girl. Her mother is doing irreversible damage to her and is acting in the most selfish way I can imagine. I am constantly amazed at how adults can act like children with no regard to how it is going to affect their children. I know that lawyers can be expensive, but sometimes you can find lawyers who work for non-profits or who will take a lower fee in order to help and I suggest that they look into that. While I do not know the ins and outs of custody law, I do know that what she is doing is wrong. Also - there may be some support groups to help people in your son-in-laws position. Best of luck to you and to them and blessings to you all.
ps - sorry for how long this is, but it is an issue I am passionate about...
I'm so sorry..what an awful situation. Especially for those precious kids!
You should look into legal aide ..there are programs all over the country, some free or on a sliding scale.
Oh, I am so sorry for your whole family!! It just makes me so upset I can barely even put my thoughts into words here. Does Texas have a Friend of the Court? If he is paying support for his daughter, then that is the first place to start. They would probably hook them up with legal aide or take it on themselves. I do hope you have this system in your state! Your family will be in my prayers!
I will storm heaven with prayers for your family!
Please know that my heart aches for all of you.
This breaks my heart that has already been broken by a similar situation for many years now... I will pray for healing and forgiveness as it will distroy you if you can't find a way..... I so understand what you and your family are feeling and going through...
Thank you all for your comforting words... We are all still trying to make sense of this, but that seems impossible at this point.
Here is the hard part for me: I can't look into legal aide. I can't send a list of possible sources of assistance. I can't tell them what they should do. The course of action is HIS decision - my daughter knows that, we all know that. And he has to initiate action if that is his choice.
I'm a solver, an action person. But I am not their Mommy anymore, and I can't jump in unbidden and take over or start directing them. I have to let them be adults, parents, and a married couple who make their own decisions. As it should be, really.
such a selfish person. i know that some day that the truth will come out and that little girl will know the truth. it is so hard to see kids used. i have seen it first hand. i will keep everyone in my daily prayers.
blessings,
aimee
Take care, dear friend.
When I divorced, I made the very best effort I could to keep the children in contact with their father. It was hard work, especially in the face of remarriage, change and hurt. It was the best thing for the children, so we did it. It was hard. I don't condone what this woman did but in some way I guess I understand having walked that road... she just must not have been strong enough.
Keep hope. She might get hold of her senses. Sometimes, time takes a toll on anger and she might realize what she has done. This also happened to a coworker of mine, his ex-wife moved away with his children. He told me once that no matter where they lived, they were always his children and he would never stop looking or hoping and someday, when they were adults, they would surely find each other and know he'd been looking all that time. I hope so, for you and your family.
xoxo
Hi deb.. im so sorry for your trouble and hurt, especially for your daughter... I can not imagine how this must be for the little family.. just keep on praying, and im sure good things come to an end!! i love the saying: what goes around comes around, so im sure she will meet the wall, get punched back, when their daughter misses here father so much and want to se him again! i will think of you all.. love from norway..
I am so so sorry for what your daughter and her family is going through. I found out quickly that we don't stop worrying about our kids once they have struck out on their own. This past year has been one of the most trying for my son and his family also, but God is good! I can say that wholeheartedly! I will be praying that hearts will be changed...in our case they were and it is a miracle that we can only thank God for every day.
Blessings~
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