Have you ever heard the saying
'Life is a banquet and some poor 'sobs' are starving to death'?
Mae West said that. Or maybe it was the Unsinkable Molly Brown.
{I'd Google it to be sure, but I'm on a mission right now...}
Well, for the last few months, I have felt like life was a smorgasbord.
And NOT in a good way.
Like no matter how hard I was trying to get through the line being selective and only putting certain things on my plate, God was ploppin' down a heaping helping of everything under the sun. Sort of like family holiday meals when your grandma keeps putting the brussel sprouts and mushrooms on your plate, even though you hate them. You keep trying to avoid them, but they get spooned onto your plate just the same when you are looking the other way.
My plate runneth over, so to speak:
*Leasing a home & business property that was also on the market, and having to deal with all
that entailed - while simultaneously trying to work out a way to BUY said property, even though it was horrendously overpriced and in need of major repairs. But it worked so perfectly for our future biz plan!
*Helping my hubby & business partner recover from a catastrophic injury, and looking at a long recovery period in front of us before he can assume his previous position. And trying to figure out what to do in the meantime.
*Finding a way to keep our business functioning and fulfilling our commitments, including putting on a show here on our farm and participating in a show down in California.
*and also dealing with a few personal/family issues {
ahem. DRAMA} at the same time.
It was truly more than I could bear.
I've already shared
my moment of shame when I turned on God, my husband, myself, our dream, everything.
sigh. It was just TOO MUCH. I lost it because I thought I was losing it. That's not meant to be confusing! I was so terrified of losing the farm to another buyer, and losing our dream and our future in the process. And I was still working through all of the emotions of having almost lost Bob. It just overwhelmed me.
{Someone else once asked
'Is it possible to just be 'whelmed'? Or is it always OVERwhelmed?'
but I don't know who that was....Liz Gilbert, maybe?}
But here's the thing: I didn't lose Bob. I lost everything else.
My mind (yes, actually, for a bit), my sanity (ask Bob),
my pride, my joy, my patience, my dreams, my vision, my hope, my faith...
I lost it all on that night when I gave UP.
First I fought, then I gave up.
And that's when God stuck His foot in the door.
A HA.
He started workin' on me then, and every day after that, showing me in tiny little ways and great big ways that He could be TRUSTED. Trusted with my dream, our dream, our goals, our big old plan for this business and our future. He showed me in incremental steps how He hadn't lied to me, or gone back on His promise. He showed me that He was actually doing something FOR US instead of TO US through all of the drama and chaos and mayhem.
Kind of like water torture. Drop by drop.
He just kept on me with these little tactics until I started noticing them.
And finally, through time and unfolding events and the wise words from friends and the prayers of hundreds of people {some I don't even know, bless their hearts} and the music from some amazing people (Casting Crowns, Mercy Me, and Keith Green)
He got through to me. {His Love Broke Through, in Keith's words...}
Or, rather, He got me out of my own way so that I could hear Him.
God unclenched my fists, relaxed my shoulders, closed my mouth, dried my tears, and opened my eyes. One night in the midst of our raging storm, I stood on the beach in the black of night and listened to ....
nothing. Pure silence. No wind, no waves, no sounds at all. The water was like glass. And I soaked it in. I prayed that He would restore my soul to that kind of calmness and peace and quiet.
And He did.
He quieted the ruckus in my soul, and let me feel peace and quiet once again. I could breathe once more and stand up and take just one little bitty step forward. So I did. And that's when God swung the door open wide and grabbed that plate of too much from my hands, and took it Himself. I felt suddenly lighter, less bogged down, less stressed, and able to breathe a nice big deep breath for the first time in MONTHS.
Two days later, everything about our situation changed.
I can't share it all yet, but I will say that we
are staying on the Island. We are buying another property. We
are getting our business up & running again in January. We
will be hosting shows at our new location. We
will be participating in shows across the Western states in 2011. Bob's healing has progressed at a rate that his surgeon calls 'Remarkable'. {They
actually said he is '
the poster boy for healing' - and yes, he loves that! Ask him to pose and he will, showing off the flexing muscles in his studly legs. ;0) }
Oh, and we'll be moving into a darling farmhouse that is SO MUCH BETTER than the one we are in now. A few minor cosmetic repairs and then some decorating
RetreatStyle, and we are ready for the magazine features that have been querying us, I tell ya'. MORE than I ever hoped for. More than I ever dared to ASK for.
Miracles. Bona Fide Miracles, folks.
God is good. Faith heals. Hope sustains. And Prayer WORKS.
It doesn't change God's mind or plan or actions...
it changes US and how we work with or against Him.
I like the 'with' part.
It's kind of like....He eats the brussel sprouts... and I get... dessert.... ;0)
