9.30.2011

Falling

I'm still trying to figure out how October 1st arrived so quickly
(July? August? Where'd you GO?)
But in the midst of working on Holiday articles & images this week,
(and paying a fortune to have my laptop 'healed' by the Geek Squad) 
I did find a few minutes to add
some VERY simple seasonal details to our decor...

Nothing fancy, and none of that typical 'Halloween' stuff for me.
Simple country-fresh seasonal style in our soft, creamy palette.
It's like.....Cashmere on a foggy fall morning. ;0)

There are a few more of my photos over on the FOLK Magazine blog,
where I share some ideas for decorating with my
Sweet Sweater Pumpkins.
My tutorial for making them is on pages 44-46
of the Fall issue of FOLK Magazine
and also here on my blog.

 If you've made some, I'd love to see them!
Post a link to your photos or blog post in the comments below,
and share with everyone ;0)

[images mine @ 2011]

9.27.2011

...and now for something completely different....

the golden autumn sunrise
seeps over the rim of distant mountains 
and races from east to west
like a spilled bowl of caramel sauce,
drenching us in the warmth of gilded color

9.18.2011

Next?

We never know what's coming at us next, do we?
Life can write all kinds of things on our slate, 
dish out the most unbelievable things quite unexpectedly,
and take us out of the game in mere seconds.
One minute, life is going along swimmingly...
and the next, it suddenly grinds to a halt.

Through it all, we seem to think that it's our 'job'
to figure it out... find a reason... to connect the dots
so that the mishaps of life somehow make sense.

But sometimes, they just DON'T.
And we can't figure out where to go 
from the place where those mishaps unceremoniously dump us.
Sometimes, it takes TIME. A whole lotta' TIME.
There's no time limit on finding meaning or solutions!
We have to think a while,
talk with someone and bounce ideas around,
and then we have to step away and just turn it all off.
Let it 'percolate' awhile in our subconscious.
And when we do that, we have to be able to say
"I Don't Know what I am going to do next. Yet."

Here's what I'm learning:
Saying 'I Don't Know' is OK.
It's OK when well-meaning people ask you what you are going to do next.
It's OK when you are asked to answer their questions or to solve their problems.
(as in, YOUR dilemma is going to affect THEIR life, so... buck up, honey)
It's OK when your brain won't shut up at night.
It's OK when you just don't know what ELSE to say or think.

It's REALLY OK when you are praying...
I'm beginning to think that God really likes it when we say
"God, I don't know what to pray for... just help me".

Because sometimes,
we just don't know what's next.
But He does.

I have friends in chaos right now.
I know of relationships in complete ruins. 
I have a son in unimaginable pain.
I have a business that's struggling after a really low blow.
 And I know that for every one of you out there reading this, 
there are more broken hearts, more illness,
more sadness, more business struggles than I could name in a week.

We're all dealing with something.
Most of us don't know what comes next.
We don't know the why, or the how, or the when.
 
I've adopted 'I Don't Know' as my motto right now.
It's my go-to answer when asked almost any question,
and I repeat it to myself a hundred times a day.
 I tell myself that it's OK that I don't know. Yet.

And it's OK if you don't, either.

[image mine, @ my Cottage in 2007]

9.13.2011

A Helping Hand


 I was talking with a dear friend today, 
and she said I needed to write about friendship.

I know you’ve written about this before, Deb,’ she began, ‘but I mean write about it to encourage others. To share what it is that WE have, that some of us have managed to create and sustain over years of our lives… and what it means. Why it’s important to make time for your friends. I think people need to be reminded’.

We all do. We have 'patterns' that need to be broken. 
Remember when you met ‘the guy’ in high school or college? How suddenly the only person you want to be with is HIM? Your friends took a back seat as you spent every available moment with your new love. And yet…. when it crashed and burned, days or weeks or months or years later, there they were, waiting to comfort you with open arms. Women can be the best support group you’ve ever had. They can also be the worst force of war you’ve ever faced, which is why we all need to know we have friends who have our back.

I must admit, I have failed so often as a friend.
I get too busy, work too much, fill my days and hours and weeks with to-do lists. I spend the little free time I have with my husband or my kids & grandsons – not a bad thing, but I tend to avoid making time for just me, or me and a friend. I don’t call up and say ‘Let’s go grab coffee’, or join groups of friends at parties and girlfriend’s getaways. And I need to change that, because it feels eerily like those heady early days in a new relationship. My friends deserve better – and so do I.

But when a friend needs a shoulder to cry on or someone to listen, I’m there. I make sure of it.

My mom, who is also one of my best friends, recently dropped her plans for a holiday away with my dad to run to my side when I needed her. She didn’t think twice, and she never made me feel bad for her decision. She does this for her three daughters and all of her friends all the time. I learned this kind of friendship from her, and have a lot left to learn about how to be a better Mom to my own girls as they grow into the women they are becoming. Thank you, Mom.

Because of what I have seen my mom embody as a friend, when a friend is in pain and needs comfort, I’m there. If she needs prayer, baby, I am on my knees in a split second. If a friend feels the need to call me every single day on her way home from work for a year, because she is so miserable but afraid to quit that she just has to talk to someone about it (and her husband is sick to death of hearing her), I’m the go-to gal. When she needs a truck and muscles to help move something, including a whole house or store full of STUFF, I’m there. My friend Cathy did this for me years ago, and though we have lost touch now, I still am grateful for her generous spirit. If my friends have a business and they need graphics or blogs or facebook Pages, I create them or teach them how to. If they need to get the word out about something, I blast it all over my web pages.

To me, friendship has always been about helping people. But in the past year, I have learned a LOT about friendship ALSO being about allowing people to help ME. It’s a two-way street, a reciprocal relationship of support.

My best friend Lori and I have known each other since the end of eighth grade.
We met in the summer of 1976, before our freshman year, and have been in each other’s lives ever since. What began as a simple ‘hi’ has become a sisterhood. As Lori says, we are family.

We’ve experienced crushes, lust, love, loss, and everything in between in junior high and high school. From misunderstandings to all-out fights, gossip, rumors, mud being slung our way, evil things said and done to us, and miserable breakups, we’ve weathered a lot of storms beside one another. We’ve been drunk together, kicked out of class together, pregnant together, newlyweds together, apartment neighbors, and menopausal women together. We’ve partied, shopped, ditched school, run away, laughed, cried, sobbed, plotted, schemed, and sang at concerts together. She cheered for me from the bleachers while I was on the field with a flag, and have I cheered for her as she has overcome come very tough obstacles in life. We’ve discussed our faith, our past, our families, our marriages, our children, our grandchildren, our history, our classmates, our friends, our enemies, our husbands (she wins, she’s had more ;0) ), our parents, our siblings, and our hopes and fears. We’ve called each other in the middle of the night, first thing in the morning, and during the cocktail hour at the end of some long and painful days. We’ve talked about everything…. all while knowing that the other is the ONLY person who would ever understand.

In an amazing coincidence, our first grandchildren were born two years and one day apart…December 5th and 6th.

For a few years after high school, we lost touch, but when we sat at the table at our ten year reunion, it seemed like no time at all had passed by. Our connection cannot be broken, our history cannot be forgotten or erased. Another mutual friend said those words to us… that nothing from back then exists or matters anymore. So untrue. The depth of our friendship was forged in those days, and although those girls are not ALL of who we are now, they are an important part of the women we have become. We do not have everything in common, but we share a connection of the spirit - and the knowledge that no matter how far geography may separate us, we are always there for one another.

That’s what friendship is.
It’s being there. Being honest. Being yourself, without reservations or hesitation. Giving the other person the benefit of the doubt that they will still respect you and love you in the moments after you spill some big secret or horrible admission or soulful plea for help… because you would do the same for them.

It’s being there when the diagnosis comes in. When the shit hits the fan. When the inlaws get you down. When the husband hurts your pride, or makes you so mad you could scream. When the kid follows a path of pain and leaves destruction in his wake. When the daughter breaks your heart. When you lose someone you love. When dreams crash to the ground. When another friend betrays you. When the world just doesn’t make sense anymore, and you can’t hang on because there IS no knot left in your rope…. My friend is there, and I am here, for those moments.

I’d love to sit and giggle and visit over a cup of coffee with her every Wednesday at Starbucks in Chicago. Or head off for a girlfriend’s weekend event in Minneapolis, or to Vegas for some serious spa/lounging/drinking fun (WITH cabana boy, thankyouverymuch). In truth, I’d much rather know that we both have crazy busy lives and limited finances….. but in that moment when the world crashes in and I don’t know where to turn, she’ll be there for me. And I’ll be there for her.

I have another friend who lives an hour away from me, a sweet woman who has become one of my closest confidants over the past year. In that space of time, she has gone remarkably out of her way to be a friend to me… she has stepped up and offered her physical assistance when I was in need (and she’s offered up her guy’s, as well). She has offered her shoulder to cry on or lean on, her patient listening skills and understanding spirit to help me sort my way through some mazes of human experience and emotion. She recently stepped forward to help me unravel a mystery that had me tied in knots, when quite by accident she put two and two together and discovered a connection. She calls me, emails me, and facebook messages me to check up on me when she knows I am under the gun or the weather. She’s listened to me cry, whine, bitch, moan, complain, laugh, dream, and more. She stepped in, when others whom I have known for years backed away, during the hardest year of my adult life.  

I don’t feel like I can ever repay her for the support system she has been for me this year, but I am darned well going to try. Friendship isn’t about ‘repaying’ or keeping track, but I owe her a debt of gratitude. And I hope with all my heart that when she needs a shoulder, or a hug, or a glass of champagne raised in a toast to celebrate her, that I can be there for her, too. Thank you, Patty….

I have friends in my life whom I have known since elementary school, junior high & high school. I have friends from my jobs, old neighborhoods, and churches we have attended. I have friends in the retail, vintage, and retail trade show industries, and friends in the publishing, decorating, and design fields. I have friends here in the community where I live, and I have 'virtual' friends online via blogs, facebook, and the women entrepreneur's forums that I was part of a decade ago.

Though many of them are women I talk with online more than on the phone or in person, I treasure them all, and would do anything I could for them if they needed me to. Many of them have stepped in to help me over the past year.

If you have friends like the two I have described above, call them right now and tell them you love them. Embrace the remarkable gift of sisterhood that two women can create and share on this journey we all travel. We cannot possibly survive life alone, without the understanding and comforting presence of other women whom we trust to walk in lockstep with us. It is far too easy to discount this need, or crowd it out of our schedules, or to become cynical as we see women engaging in jealous, petty, competitive attitudes. I've had 'friends' who threw me under the bus publicly, and I bet you have, too. We can be our own worst enemies! But we don’t have to fall prey to that. We can rise above, and create lasting, meaningful, deep friendships that sustain us all.

If you don’t have those kinds of friendships… don't let that discourage you. If you read my description of Lori and Patty above, and thought that your friends would rather talk about the new dress they bought or who’s doing what or where they are headed for vacation, then think long and hard about who you surround yourself with. One of those ‘casual’ friends could be the soul sister you long for… give her the chance to open up, be honest, get real about life and love and share her heart with you. Share yours with her. And just see if maybe you’ll forge a deeper, more meaningful connection with someone who can hear your heart like only another woman can.  We all need this. We all deserve this. And our daughters are watching.... we must teach them the value of women friends, the 'tribe' who sustains us in a rapidly changing world.

To the three women who stand beside me today, here in this place where I need someone to help me stand… Mom, Lori, and Patty… I thank you for having my back. I love you so much. And I honor you for the many blessings you have brought to my life, and the constant encouragement you give so generously. <3

9.11.2011

Honor

Everyone seems to be asking the question, 
"Where were you on 9/11?"
Like many other Americans, I DO remember.
And I'd to share my story for a very special reason: For my son.

In 2001, my son was a junior in high school.
We lived in a small town here in Washington,
 the kind of place where the high school kids hold 
a Homecoming Parade on the main street every fall,
with football players (including my son) riding on fire engines
and cheerleaders riding in convertibles. 
The marching band plays, the flags spin,
the entire school empties and walks down the streets 
displaying their Panther Pride for the whole assembled town.
The Snohomish Serpentine is tradition and history and pride.

I never knew how deep my son's pride ran...

On the morning of September 11, 2001
my kids left for high school and I was cleaning house.
My husband called me from his workplace,
to tell me what had happened in New York.
I didn't believe him. 
I thought he had misunderstood.
The World Trade Center could not be GONE.

Because we had just moved into a new house the week before,
we didn't have cable yet. No TV. No News.
I turned on the radio and listened to the accounts.
I had vivid pictures in my mind from what I heard.
A few hours later, I had to leave to go to work.
I had to drive fifteen miles to the winery,
where I was one of the staff for a corporate event.
Frankly, every one of us who had to work that night
were surprised that it hadn't been canceled.
It was a dinner for over 100 HR Managers for a large locally-based
computer company. 
They were at the nearby headquarters/campus for a conference, 
and had come from several other countries as well as the US.
We were told they had no where else to go for dinner, 
so the event was not canceled.

The staff was quiet, hushed, wanting only to be home
with our families to absorb the news and comfort one another.
Many of my friends and co-workers had seen news reports
and images of the devastating events of the day.
I hadn't yet.

One hour into the dinner event, these 100 HR managers

STARTED A FOOD FIGHT.

They tossed bread and flicked vegetables across tables,
and laughed their heads off like children in a lunchroom.

Not one of those people assembled stood up
to say 'ENOUGH!'. NOT ONE.

The supervisor of our staff quietly gathered us,
and instructed us to begin removing all wine and utensils from the tables.
And we did. 
The 'guests' got mad when we took the wine away. 
Then our supervisor stood in front of them and calmly announced
that the event was over. 
Their buses were out front and they needed to go now.
If I remember correctly, she used the words 'evacuate the facility'.
The crowd dispersed loudly but quickly, and left.

The dozen staff members and four kitchen staff stood together,
and cried. We hugged. And we said goodbye
to head home to our families.
We all knew that we'd back our supervisor
if anything was ever said about the way the event ended.
We were just glad it HAD.

I drove the fifteen miles home
in complete amazement and anger 
that those 100 people had behaved so badly,
so callously, in the face of what had happened in the world that day.

As I drove around the corner and onto our street in our little town,
after midnight,
I looked at our house and saw the most amazing sight...

My son, seventeen years old,
had rummaged through my (many) bins in the attic,
and found all of my vintage American flags.
He hung one in EVERY window in our house,
and turned the lights on in every room.
The place glowed like a beacon 
of Patriotism, Hope, Pride, and Reverence
for all those who had lost their lives that day.
For everyone who had lost hope that day.
For the innocence we all lost that day.

I had to stop my car in the street 
because my eyes were so filled with tears.
I parked and ran inside, 
to find my family huddled around the television.
Bob had hooked up the cable 
and they were watching live news coverage
and taped film of the collapse of the towers.

It was the first time I had seen it, 
and I fell to my knees on the floor. 
The 'vivid images' my mind had conjured earlier that day
hadn't even come close to the devastation I was watching.
My son put his hand on my shoulder,
and we cried.

I was even MORE angry at those HR Managers at that point.
I will never understand their reaction that day.
A seventeen year old high school boy grasped the meaning,
the solemnity, the horror of it all.
And could not help but show his emotions in a way
that honored the victims. 

A man was born that day.
He is a good man, a proud man,
and a man that his parents are very proud of.

I would guess that this day is an especially hard one for him this year...
not just because of the memory of a day ten years ago,
but because he has just lost someone, his everything, whom he loved, 
when she walked away.
And today is, tragically, her birthday.
His emotion and pain sound as raw as they did back then.

I fly my flag outside my house today
in honor of the victims and the heroes of 9/11.
And I fly it for my son, 
who is a hero in my eyes and my heart.
I pray this pain never revisits him again.
I pray the same for our country.

9.05.2011

Inspiring!

It's Fall (yes, already!)...I've spiffed up the blog with a new seasonal banner,
and it's time once again for my 
Sweet Sweater PumpkinsTM to make an appearance.
(Just in time, apparently, as Google searches
are sending HUNDREDS of people here for them each day!)

And this time, they're not just on my blog.

Check out the new FOLK Magazine,
 and you'll find my new tutorial inside
in my regular column, 'Sweet Re-Treats'
on Pages 44 - 46 

You'll also find fabulous fall ideas, inspiration, and articles in the issue...
including a wonderful feature on the BarnHouse Boys 
by the talented Kimberly Taylor.
And a regular decorating column for junk-o-philes
by trendsetter Donna Williams of Funky Junk Interiors!

While y'all are enjoying this fall issue,
the FOLK staff is busily working on the
HOLIDAY issue. 
On Labor Day Weekend.
Ho.Ho.Ho.

For subscription and purchase information, click HERE

9.04.2011

New 'Sweet Sweater Pumpkin' Tutorial

'Sweet  sweater pumpkins ' TM
A How-To Tutorial
create your own version of Deb Kennedy’s original design, 
created and first shared here on Hummadeedledee in 2007!
 Supplies:

old long-sleeved sweaters (adult size)
twine or string
sharp scissors
LOTS of heavy rubber bands (2 per pumpkin)
Cotton wool or polyfill stuffing
________________________________________________________

Cut the arms off of the sweaters, then cut the arms in half across the middle. (If you leave them whole, you'll have larger, more elongated pumpkin/squash shapes.) Turn all of the cut pieces inside out, and set aside.

Take the twine or yarn, and wrap it eight times around your elbow & thumb to make big loops. When done, cut it in half at your thumb so that you have one big long hank. It should be approximately 18 to 20 inches long.
Place one hank of twine inside of one cut sweater piece. Let about an inch poke out on the LARGE end of the sweater arm - the rest of the twine will hang out the narrow end.
Fold that inch of twine over the edge of the sweater, 
then gather the end up and fasten it tightly with a rubber band.
  Flip the whole thing right-side out, using the hank of twine to help.
 Stuff the open end with cotton wool at the base, then with polyfill. Remember that lots of stuffing will make your pumpkin rounder, and less stuffing will result in a flatter, 'squashed' look. Leave about an inch - or more if you prefer - of sweater 'cuff' unfilled at the top, to create the stem later.
 Separate the hank of twine into eight single strands. Spread these out equidistantly around the rounded top. Evenly distribute the strands as you stretch them to the other end of the form. 

Grasp the strands and the sweater 'cuff', twist them together, and wrap a rubber band around them several times - tightly.
Separate the strings into strands again, and then begin gently pulling each separate strand in a clockwise pattern. You'll have to pull each one twice or more to create enough tension to pouf out the sweater and form a pumpkin shape. 
Help it along by pulling the fabric out a bit at the top & bottom edges, so that the ridges are more defined. Once the ridges are even, tie the strands together around the top, to hold them in place.
 Roll the extra sweater fabric at the top into a 'stem'. 
Using the loose ends of the twine strands, begin wrapping around the stem to completely cover the sweater fabric with twine. By putting tension on the twine as you wrap, you can cause the stem to bend in a natural curve – this works best with long, thin stems (Use a long length of sweater arm for this). Tie it off when done. Trim the sweater fabric close to the twine for a nice neat end. 
You can also add embellishments to the stem – 
such as snippets of lace, burlap, leaves, acorns, even vintage jewelry.
Make it your OWN!
_________________________________________

You can also find this tutorial in my regular column, Sweet Re-Treats,
in the NEW FOLK Magazine . 2011 Fall Issue
 and as a link shared on 







_______________________________________________

I created a cashmere sweater pumpkin especially for Rachel Ashwell last fall...
 The Queen pronounced them to be 'So dahling!

Product design and 'Sweet Sweater Pumpkin' name 
Copyright Deb Kennedy for Retreat, 2007 and
Images by Deb Kennedy, 2011. All Rights Reserved
This tutorial and my images may not be republished without permission.  
This version of the tutorial Published in FOLK Magazine Fall 2011 Issue by permission.