cold.

If you all don't mind, I'm just going to rattle on for a minute,

here, on my blog...

I don't even know how to put into words what I am feeling,

except to say that the world feels like a very cold place to me right now.

And I'm not talking about the recent snowstorm.

Over the past week we've been through an emotional wringer again.

Things that we had planned have fallen through, 

things that we had never imagined have unfolded (not good ones)

and things that we have undertaken have, basically, fallen to pieces around us.

Quite frankly, almost everything we have tried has blown up in our faces.

Of course part of it is financial. Part of it is family, and part of it is business.

And letting down a few friends along the way.

It's ALL emotional because it just never ends.

I need to get this constant stress out of my life, I really do. 

I've been under this pressure for six months, full-bore, and it's taking a toll on me.

I have some pretty serious issues I am now dealing with because of the stress.

 And my emotions? Well, 'ragged' would come close to describing them right now. 

At any given moment I'm on the verge of tears.

I thought we were DONE with that.

Some recent developments mean that the stresses,

they are just gonna' keep on comin' at me.

Plan A, and even Plan B, ain't happenin'.

Plan C came at me outta' nowhere like a missile,

heading toward me before I even knew it had been launched.

It'll hit soon, and I hope the damage isn't too great.

Through reading, meditation, and prayer, I am working really hard 

on changing my attitude into gratitude, 

looking at things through a wide-angle lens 

so as to have some perspective on them, 

and remembering that God hasn't failed me

and that He doesn't give us more than HE KNOWS we can handle.

(See, Lori, I DO listen to you!)

I may not know it yet, but HE does.

I am continually choosing to see everything that happens 

as an opportunity to grow, to change, to learn.

 I keep reading my daily Brave Girls messages, 

my Simple Abundance journal, and verses that speak to my soul.

I listen to uplifting music, and force myself to smile

even when I feel like crying my eyes out.

I keep trying to speak kindly and encouragingly to others

who are also on a bumpy road.

I keep trying to be an example of faith and hope

to my family and community.

I 'just keep swimming'.

But that doesn't make it instant, or easy. 

not.one.bit.

Is it even possible to get rid of stress and be 'balanced'? 

I don't really know. I sure HOPE so.

That's what keeps me going.

That somehow, all this is going to be worth it. 

There's going to be a payoff somewhere down the road,

wherein a lightbulb goes off over my head and I shout

'OMG! THAT'S why we went through all this stuff!'

and I suddenly can make sense of it all.

Can't I just win Lotto instead? ;0)

Yeah, I know....

The snow really is beautiful to look at, isn't it?

Time to Create

 The other day I saw a photo of a very cute creation 

on Jenny Doh's facebook profile. 

She shared the original HERE.

[image of epheriell designs clock on Jenny Doh's blog]

SUCH a cute idea! Jess is BRILliant.

You can see epheriell designs' tutorial on how to make it here!

When I got off the laptop and walked out of our room, 

I passed the guest bath.. and a really ugly clock on the wall

was staring at me. Taunting me. Teasing me.

So..... I did what any crafty gal who is stuck in the house because of

a snowstorm and a broke-down truck would do.

I ARTed. ;0) 

(a much better word than 'procrastinated', 

since I should have been working instead of creating. WHATEVER!)

And now the Button Clock is in my studio.

(Didja' catch the post about my studio on Vintage Indie? ;0) )

Who needs to know what time it is in a bathroom, anyway?!

Thank you, Jenny Doh and Jess at epheriell designs for the inspiration!

Creative Storage, Vintage Style

Would you like a tour of my new studio?

Come with me to Gabrieal's Vintage Indie blog,

where she's sharing my post about creative storage solutions!

Click here

Be Brave.

 I don't know how she does it, but Melody Ross of 'Brave Girls' can see into my heart.

She can see what I am experiencing and feeling and working through, and then write about it on her blog. Girl has her own amazing tear-jerking story, and through it all she's become the voice of women everywhere as they struggle to BECOME.

Nine times out of ten, she hits the nail right on the head with her insights, and I break out in tears because it's like she's saying it to ME, to help me understand what it is I am dealing with AND that I'm not the only one who is.

Tonight I read THIS POST and then THIS POST

and a flippin' waterfall ensued.

Her words literally reached in and grabbed my heart.

Sure, I've just had a day that ended in extreme chaos and mayhem. 

And I've just been through one of the hardest six-month periods 

in my nearly 49-year-long life. 

(Only two others come close: hearing that I had cancer 

and making the decision to end my marriage.) 

And on Saturday we received news that is really going to affect things around here.

All other stories for other days....

Thing is, what Melody describes in her posts is PRECISELY the place I have been in - and am STILL in: on an incredibly transformational life journey.

I can't explain what it was and is all about, or what is happening right now, to any of the hundreds of people asking me (about ten of them asking me every single day some very specific questions about where my particular 'journey' is at right now and if I'll be able to pay them any time soon.... those are the HARD questions, my friends....) I can't get over how absolutely Melody captures the essence of the fear, the shame, the self-doubt, the self-loathing, the unbridled humiliation of NOT being able to answer those questions. Of NOT being able to simply deal with things that come up (because it's always money and when you don't have it, you don't have it). Of NOT being able to help family & friends and others understand how DAMNED BLESSED HARD this life can be sometimes but that you STILL have to have faith and be focused on your goal, your vision, your art and business and passion. Even though nearly everyone around you thinks you are flippin' crazy and deluded for doing it. Even though they just don't GET IT when you can't be at the social events and parties and shows and girlfriend's weekends because you choose to focus on this dream instead.

Whew. OK. I could go on. But instead,

I highly recommend that you read Melody's posts. 

Even if you are not on a journey like this right now, you know someone who IS. Yes, you do. She may not be able to share any of it with you, she may be scared utterly speechless right now. But anyone trying to 'birth a dream' as Mel says, is walking this path. And needs understanding and support and patience from everyone around them.

The wonderful thing is that once a woman has been on this path and has had this awakening, she can recognize and support others who are or will be. We can pay it forward. Without explaining or questioning, just with understanding and patience and love. We can help each other be brave.

Thank you, Melody.

[image from Brave Girls Club.com]

ready....set....

yep. i am.

 are you?

I discovered tiny crocus and daffodils sprouting up in the yard

and we've had three gorgeous days of sunshine.

Quite unusual in February.

It's like Spring is as anxious to make an appearance

as we are for her to arrive!

The flower & garden show is this week - 

maybe Spring is just INSPIRED ;0)

I know I will be - we're heading to the show Wednesday

to take it all in, and also to help friend JoMarie at her 'Rose~Marie' booth.

Happy week, everyone...

THINK SPRING!

[images by Bob & Deb Kennedy]

a surprise gift!

As I was unpacking more boxes of 'supplies' and storing them in my studio,

I was thrilled to discover this book!

A Valentine Gift to me... from me. The me who bought it a year ago. 

I have NO IDEA where it has been all this time,

and how it ended up in a box that came out of my office at the other house.

I love love love Alexandra Stoddard.

I love that she has a decorator's sense of style.

I love that she writes in a deliciously descriptive voice.

I love the 'scent of spirituality' that pervades her phrases.

I love that she so unabashedly adores her sweet hubby, Peter.

[Lucky me, I've met them twice... once here in Seattle at the 2007 Flower & Garden Show,

and once in Dallas at the 2007 Victoria Magazine re-launch party. ADORABLE together!]

My bookshelves hold a copy of every single book that 'Sandie' has written. 

And I read them over & over again, always learning something new.

If you haven't met Alexandra yet, pop over here.

Oh, and the book is now on my bedside table, so I won't lose it again! ;0)

creative heARTs 11: Bob's Contribution

My Valentine's Day gift from my hubby!

It's Bob's version of a 'creative heART'.

Delivered a day late, but it's ok....

as it was POURING on Monday so he couldn't get it done then.

He chose a tree that I can see from my studio window

and that everyone will be able to see at our shows.

This is SO perfect!

I love it.

I love HIM.

He just GETS me. ;0)

heARTfelt sentiments 10

For years, (thirty one, to be exact) my love and I 

have been celebrating this day together.

I have a box filled with cards he has given me that I treasure.

Many of those cards are handmade, as were mine to him - a gift of the heart. 

OK, truth be told, it was usually a response to the all-too-familiar

'I can't find a card that says what I want to say!' frustration. ;0)

[I think Hallmark should hire writers who have been married

five, ten, twenty, thirty, and fifty years. 

'Cause you need NEW WORDS each year -

Repeating the same old thing gets you in TROUBLE!]

The photo above is the 'card' I am giving my beloved today.

A sweet simple message, rendered in vintage materials and soft colors,

pinned to a fabric-wrapped canvas.

I created this one as art, to be hung on the wall in our bedroom,

noticed, and appreciated every single day.

FAR better than a card in a box in the closet.

We decided this year to make each other something to

celebrate our love and our life, 

and that would become part of our home.

I wish we had thought of this idea thirty years ago.

The card is part of my gift to him. 

Here's the rest:

Painted burlap on canvas. 

simple. masculine. rustic.

and my 'official' creative heART #10.

31 years.

I am so incredibly blessed...

Ain't LOVE grand?

XXOO

Happy Hearts Day, my friends!

creative heARTs 8 & 9

 Not exactly heARTs... 

just sharing some hearts that are on display in my studio right now. 

Above is a thrifted glass heart with some old keys 

['Key to My Heart', get it?!]

and a BEAUTIFUL silver milagro heart 

given to me by my sweet friend Kim Sharifi last July.

Kim, I've never told you this, but seeing 'your' heart

helped me through some VERY rough moments 

[that began almost as soon as we left that show in San Diego

and continued non-stop for six months]

Thank you, my dear friend, for the generosity of your heart

that so touched mine...

creative heARTs 7

I didn't make this heART.

A dear, sweet friend did. Just for us.

It touched our hearts to receive it...

I can't tell you all how many times 

we have lit his HEARTlight, thought of him, 

and lifted him and his sweet wife in prayer

as they faced heartbreak.

He didn't win his battle,

and it broke a lot of hearts to hear that news.

But he lives on, every day, in the memories of his loving partner

and all of the family and friends waiting to see him again one day,

when all of the broken hearts are mended and healed.

This heART was made by Larry Sohn, Coleen's 'Motorcycle Man'.

Our friend. And a hero of a man, who taught us so much. 

It's my favorite heART. 

Love never ends. No matter what.

creative heARTs 6

I've been searching my blog archives for this heART, my friends...

It's a Deb Original: A 'Sweetheart NeSt', 

made from natural elements and beautiful yarns, threads,and a red glass heart.

I started creating my original 'NeSts' way back in 2006. More of the story below...

 A 'Love NeSt' under glass, created last winter.

My very first NeSt was a 'thank you' gift to my friend, Amy Powers... it's shown below. she loved it so much, she asked me to create some for her to sell in her online boutique, Inspire Co.

 

The 'Sweetheart NeSts' that I made for her shop sold out almost immediately!

  I also created some 'Spring NeSts' for Amy.

And some 'Autumn NeSts'.

And some 'Winter NeSts'.

Then I started making them to sell in our RETREAT booths & shows...

All these photos have sparked some ideas, 

so I'll be creating a whole new collection of my 'NeSts'

for our upcoming Spring shows. ;0) Stay Tuned!

creative heARTs 5

Last year, I created these little bitty heARTs 

from scraps of fabric [Matlasse', Chenille, and Burlap]

and stuffed them with recycled shredded paper.
Completely 'green'. ;0)

On a few, I wrote 'love' in various fonts using a paint pen.

Really easy, very sweet, perfectly simple, and totally cheap. 

I LOOOOOOOOOVE them in this metal urn that looks a LOT older than it is.

[I bought it at Molbaks when I was a stylist there in 2004,

and painted it to look old & rusty ]

It's divine making things I love as products that I sell...

when I have a few left over after a season ends,

I can just keep & enjoy them!