i've been trying to stay very positive and keep my eyes up,
but some days, that's awfully hard....
being out in the heat today gave me a migraine, so this afternoon i laid down and watched tv.
being out in the heat today gave me a migraine, so this afternoon i laid down and watched tv.
i ended up watching the 'Some Kind of Miracle' episode of Grey's Anatomy from season 3 -
it's the episode where Meredith drowns and Cristina is the one who refuses to let her give in to death.
watching the dynamic between them was NOT A GOOD IDEA RIGHT NOW.
now my swollen eyes and clogged-up nose are making my headache much worse...
and i want 'my person' back.
In the first season of Grey's, Meredith and Cristina become friends
and say that phrase to describe how important they are to one another.
Lori was my Cristina, 'my person',
and she refused to let me give up almost exactly two years ago when i was drowning in pain.
watching Cristina Yang standing at the foot of Meredith Grey's bed,
willing her to breathe, for her heart to beat, for her to come back and live,
was like watching what Lori metaphorically did for me on September 2, 2011
[and every day since]
[and every day since]
august 30 and september 1 are days that have very deep meaning for me, good and bad,
and it's just bad timing to deal with my already raw emotions after seeing that show,
just a few weeks after losing my best friend.
i truly do have so much to be grateful for, and i am,
and i'm trying hard to be strong
and handle all of this stuff that life has brought to me in the past two years....
but some days it just all comes back at once and overwhelms me.
i know it will get better...
it's just a bad day, not a bad life.
Post Script:
This was my message today from the Brave Girls Club:
Please don't for one minute think that you are not courageous just because you are afraid. Please do not minimize your power just because you are feeling a little lost. Please do not believe that you are not on the right track just because you are in a bit of a slump....and most of all, please do not EVER think that you are the only one who has hard days, rotten days, weak days and even days when you feel like you have messed up everything, gone backwards or that all is lost. Even your greatest heroes and role models have days just like you have.
These feelings will pass. If all you can do is HOPE that these feelings will pass, it will be enough. Never lose hope. You made it to now, and you will make it to tomorrow. The clouds will blow over, the sunshine will come again and you will have learned a few new lessons along the way. BEING BRAVE does not mean that you do not sometimes feel scared, weak and lost....it just means you keep going anyway.....and that is what you do best.
You can do this, friend...you really can.
They always have the most perfect timing.... make sure you sign up for their emails here
Post Script:
This was my message today from the Brave Girls Club:
Dear Courageous Girl,
Please don't for one minute think that you are not courageous just because you are afraid. Please do not minimize your power just because you are feeling a little lost. Please do not believe that you are not on the right track just because you are in a bit of a slump....and most of all, please do not EVER think that you are the only one who has hard days, rotten days, weak days and even days when you feel like you have messed up everything, gone backwards or that all is lost. Even your greatest heroes and role models have days just like you have.
These feelings will pass. If all you can do is HOPE that these feelings will pass, it will be enough. Never lose hope. You made it to now, and you will make it to tomorrow. The clouds will blow over, the sunshine will come again and you will have learned a few new lessons along the way. BEING BRAVE does not mean that you do not sometimes feel scared, weak and lost....it just means you keep going anyway.....and that is what you do best.
You can do this, friend...you really can.
Keep going........don't stop now!
You are so loved.
xoxo
They always have the most perfect timing.... make sure you sign up for their emails here
2 comments:
Deb, you are allowed to have bad days, maybe several in a row. I think it's our way of working through the issue. You've been through so much and it is normal to have sad days.
Hugs to you!
I am glad you can process by writing how you feel on this blog! Being real is difficult, but you are doing the brave thing. I love the reminder that having bad days do not equate with having a bad life! Love you my friend.
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