a day of discovery

Yesterday, I took a trip up to Santa Monica, Malibu, and Venice...

and visited a few places I have ALWAYS wanted to see

Of course I visited the famous carousel on the Pier, 

but then I headed over to Montana Street to see

Hilde Lieaghat's POM POM Interiors
(I could MOVE IN there, I swear... SO charming!)

and Rachel Ashwell's Shabby Chic Couture

(where I bought her newest book and a mug with a silver crown on it), 

and then Sue Balmforth's famous Bountiful Home over on Abbot Kinney Boulevard in Venice

(where I drooled at the THOUSANDS of glass cake plates stacked everywhere!)

In between, I had lunch at the Paradise Cove Beach Cafe in Malibu - 

sitting at an outdoor table with my toes in the sand 

and looking out at the horizon over the Pacific Ocean.

It was a day of relaxation and revelation.
A day to let the muse work in my heart and my head, to allow me to dream. I've been working. I've been dreaming about how to build a new business,  and about how to make an income writing and designing. How to 'get my life back on track' after the explosion last fall.   But the one thing I haven't yet done is dream about my future home. I lost the place I loved most in the whole world, and have been afraid to let myself think that I could love anywhere else again. (yes, this is as strong a feeling as losing the PEOPLE I loved most in the whole world)   I've been shying away from photos on Pinterest that show the kinds of rooms I love: the mix of European and Industrial and Cottage and Beach styles that move me and make me feel 'at home'.   It just hurt too much to see white enamel sinks (I had a fabulous one) and white linen curtains and sofas and chairs (had those, loved them) and reclaimed wood tables (for obvious reasons)  and see the darling remodels of charmless homes (again, obvious reasons)

I thought that by ignoring the nagging questions in my head and the ache in my heart of thinking that I may not have a home to live in for a long, long time.
But after today,  exploring beautifully decorated shops with elements that I found pleased my eye and my heart, I discovered that there IS a 'dream home' inside my head and heart already. And it's about time I start acknowledging it...    because if I ever want it to be a reality,  I have to imagine it first.    I have no idea how life will unfold for me, or when I will be able to live on my own
(I am living with my parents now, which at the age of 50 is embarrassing - but I had no other options after life blew apart, and they are so very gracious to let me stay here) but I do have faith that God is opening doors and showing me where to go next one step at a time.
and if my toes are in the sand on that journey, it's fine with me!