last night i caught a glimpse of the stars
as the clouds cleared
so i moved to the window overlooking the back yard to get a better view
funny how something that simple can bring back a rush of memory and emotion...
long ago, in a place far far away,
i used to stand at a certain window
[the upper double window on the side of our old house above]
and look out onto the velvet blackness of night
to stare at the stars.
standing there, i would offer up my wondrous praise to my Heavenly Father
for the miracles He worked that brought me - us, when there was an us -
to that place
miracles that made the dream real
in the middle of the night, my whispered prayers and praise
would lift into the night air and float
over the pastures on our farm,
over the pastures on our neighbor's farms, into the valley and up the hill and down the road
and down another hill to the beach
and up into the trees where the eagles nested
i am so grateful for those beautiful memories...
standing at the window of my parent's dining room last night
looking out over the back patio and pool and trees
to see the dozen stars twinkling in the clearing sky,
it all came rushing back to me
i could close my eyes and picture
just as it had been
and in the midst of the tears
and the "WHY???" that my soul silently screamed all over again,
i was beating myself up
when God in His infinite mercy revealed something to me
i've been thinking that it's awful that i miss a PLACE so much.
that i am being materialistic and greedy and selfish because i loved that place -
the one place in life where i felt like i belonged
and everything that it meant and represented
but my Heavenly Father whispered to me this time, and showed me
that it's not the PLACE i miss
it's the PEACE i miss.
change one letter in a word and it means something entirely different...
i miss the quiet stillness of those dark nights
the sun spilling golden across grass-filled fields
the wind blowing musically through pine trees
the eagles soaring and screeching in harmony
and most of all, i miss
the feeling in my heart, my soul
that told me that i belonged there.
that i was home.
i am so grateful that i had the chance to feel that way...
God is working on my heart and my soul
to convince me (yeah, convince me) that i belong
right where He has me
i am so grateful for my parents' generosity...
and i know that
in His time, My Heavenly Father will have
the perfect place for me
i am so grateful that He is showing me that
the peace that my soul craves
comes from Him
not from a place
or a person
or a dream