moments of grace: it only takes a spark...

 i am feeling something very interesting happening...
and though i don't yet know what it fully means
or where it is leading me,
i know that it is important.

it's like a small flame has begun to burn inside me,
on its way to being a fire.

that's a bit scary.
fire can burn and singe and destroy.
it can rage uncontrolled and devour everything.

i've seen lives reduced to ashes,
dreams smoking in ruin,
everything lost to the heat of the blaze.
i've seen fires intentionally set to cause damage.

but fire can provide warmth and light and security,
sustenance, comfort and community, too.
it can be controlled. and it can be beneficial.

there's a song that i used to sing with my friend Kimmy at camp
called "Pass It On" that says:

"it only takes a spark to get a fire going
and then all those around can warm up to its glowing..."

it was many years ago that i learned those words,
many years ago that i first understood what faith was supposed to be
but it was only 22 months ago that i learned what faith IS in reality

and though at the time,
all i could see was darkness and nothingness
in the aftermath of total destruction,
God was busy working on me.
deep within,
there was an ember.
i thought it was an ember of pain,
left from the raging fire of all that had happened within me and around me.
but of course God had other ideas!

i've been learning and realizing a LOT ever since then,
especially in the past six months.
and in His mercy, God keeps bringing things to me to help me along this road...
resources and people
who say and write the things that i need to hear and read.
sometimes gently - sometimes notsomuch.

amazingly enough,
there are several women who have been in my life for years
who have also dealt with what i have dealt with.
my moments of grace this week have been this recently discovered commonality.
though my heart aches for my friends
because i understand where they have been and what they have faced,
and i know that it is not in vain...
i know for sure and for certain that God is doing something within us
and that very possibly,
He will do something THROUGH us.

never again will i doubt the
phenomenal support and love and acceptance
that God brings to us when we need it most...
and if i can be used to love and support and accept and help
women who have been walking a road like mine,
well, sister,
you better believe i am willing to go there.

so that little burning glowing ember within me
was sparked by God's grace in bringing me
people to help me understand, and to heal...

now it has become a low flame,
burning - and yes, sometimes flickering.
[not every day is forward movement on this journey]
but i know that the flame is getting bigger.
i know that everything i went through will not be for nothing
and that once He has kindled the flame
and placed me where He wants me to be,
it will be bright enough for others to 'warm up to its glowing'.

and in the midst of their darkness, they will see HIM!

faith is the flame
that was lit from the embers of destruction and ruin.
and healing will be the fire that burns brightly. 

ps: i shared the sweater-wrapped vase in the photo above over on my decorating blog

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