i dreamed a dream

last night i went to see Les Miserables.
i can't even TELL you how amazing it was!
i truly went for one thing:
to see and hear this:

  because Anne Hathaway as Fantine expresses what i've felt better than i can.
because music speaks to my heart, and heals it. 
for 18 months, that song has been in my head,
the lyrics telling my story through a searing cry from the depths of my soul.
There was a time when men were kind
When their voices were soft
And their words inviting
There was a time when love was blind
And the world was a song
And the song was exciting
There was a time
Then it all went wrong

I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high
And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving
Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung, no wine untasted

But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
As they turn your dream to shame

He slept a summer by my side
He filled my days with endless wonder
He took my childhood in his stride
But he was gone when autumn came

And still I dream he'll come to me
That we will live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.
last night, i cried as i watched her sing it onscreen...
i saw myself there. i remembered. i felt it.
i realized while watching this scene that my mother saw that hopelessness in me
when i was broken and lost and giving up - giving IN
to the darkness that had begun to swallow me.
it breaks my heart now to see what she saw
and i am so grateful that she stepped up and stood with me,
grabbed me and pulled me back from the abyss of pain
and helped me find hope again.
she and my friend Lori were the only ones who saw ME.
my angels.

this is an Oscar-worthy performance
[and YES! she won!]
because it is so REAL you forget she's an actress on a screen.
we see only a woman in the most helpless, hopeless emotional pain...
and haven't we ALL been THERE at one time or another?
thank God for healing....
"Music can name the unnameable
and communicate the unknowable"
Leonard Bernstein

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