moments of grace

gratitude journal . week #6

monday 36 . the journey

Stephen Covey's quote speaks to my own beliefs about spirituality and faith.

His journey is over... he has touched so many lives. Godspeed, Steven.  

tuesday 37. tenacity

these sweet little flowers are blooming on the tiniest vine you've ever seen.

i discovered it twined around the stems of a bouquet i bought at the farmer's market,

hanging on for dear life and then opening up beautifully once watered. 

yeah, there's a message there ;0)

 wednesday 38 . supply

whatever it is i need, He'll provide it. 

 thursday 39 . focus

" just pick one thing to focus on - for right NOW - and do it well." 

great advice from a caring friend

i can do this!

 friday 40 . luxury

ok, maybe not to everyone... 

but to ME, a $19 French-tip manicure (and the surprise of a sparkly white flower on one nail)

is definitely a luxury! until a few months ago, i didn't have the nails, time, or money for this.
 

saturday 41 . honored

discovering a dream come true - this particular creation in print
even though it's painful, it's an honor (story here)
photos by Jenny Malott for Remnants of the Past 2010
appeared in Where Women Create . Summer 2012

 sunday 42 . peekaboo

peeking over the fence to say hello.... 
a sweet little face, reminding me of a special someone today. 

THIS is why I have a gratitude journal

 .

More About Grace...

I was reading the daily mailing from INcourage today, thinking 'Yes, this really resonates with me', when suddenly the following words leaped off of the screen and into my heart:

'I imagine Jesus falling to the ground, struggling to breathe, choking waves of tears, his body shaking, hot from crying his eyes out, his chest hurting from the intensity — and I ask, “How did you do it Jesus? How can I endure something so dark when I am not you?” '

Bonnie Gray of the blog Faith Barista wrote those words. 

How could Bonnie have known that she was not only bringing Scripture to life with her words, in a way that I had never thought of before, but that she was describing my own personal experience? How could this woman, who doesn't even know that I exist at all, have carefully chosen these particular consonants and vowels, formed them into words, and combined those words in a way that pierces straight into my mind and triggers the memories of a day I will never forget (though I surely would like to)?

As I read the rest of her entry today, my face filled with tears and my breath caught in my throat. My body released the long-held muscle memory of that day, when I was experiencing exactly what she describes above: My muscles cringe and tense, I fall to the ground, my face flushes hot, my tears fall like rain. My mouth opens in a silent scream, not the audible sound of the searing tearing of a destroyed soul - for the actual sound is one that I can not allow to escape the way it did that day. Not when any other living thing is around, anyway.

Her words bring pain... but the release of that pain brings understanding, and healing. 

Through her words, God reaches into the place where I hold memories of my darkness - and shows me that He brought me through it. I am alive and breathing only because of His strength and grace, for I could not have survived that pain and abandonment and alone-ness on my own. Only my knowledge that God was in His Heaven and that He loved me even when no one else did kept my heart from ceasing to beat that day. Now I realize that the events that happened the way they did were HIS way of showing me the depths of HIS love, His protection, His purpose, and His strength. I didn't need to stand alone, for His plan is NEVER for us to stand alone. Everyone else may discard us, but God will never forsake us.

Even Jesus experienced that same utterly broken heart, that cry for help, that moment of hoping that death would come and release Him from the pain He could not bear alone. Yet God was there to carry Him. Just as He was there for me, at the moment of my own Gethsemane.

                                               I am so grateful for the grace of His love.